Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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