I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
