proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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