those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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