There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
