I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
