ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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