Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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