Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
