just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
