why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
