i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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