Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
