I heard we made out
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
