When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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