I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
