Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
