I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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