We named our party play list daddy issues
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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