we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
