It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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