belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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