Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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