Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
