Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
