Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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