Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
