I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize