My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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