I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
