my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
