I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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