your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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