he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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