I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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