I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
