...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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