Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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