It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
