I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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