I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
babies were throwing up all over the place
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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