It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
