True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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