I am spending my child support on dildos
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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