don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
