I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
