remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
