it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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