Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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