just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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