i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My bed smells like the plague
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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