There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
