So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is my gift to your gina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
