your thong is hanging out like whoa
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
