; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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