you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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