I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
