She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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