At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
