It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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