Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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