and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize