I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
