He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
