At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
