see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
