You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
