WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
