Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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