I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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