I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
