wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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