Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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